Men
Valentines is coming up in a few days. Let’s talk about
money, love and Valentines
Are you excited about it as an opportunity to display your
love or are you feeling the pressure because you know the finances are just not
in place to create a memorable experience?
As a fellow man, I have known those moments where you want
the day to be over and done with simply because you have nothing to offer-at
least from a financial perspective. I have also known days when I was looking
forward to the day because I was all set. I don’t know many things but this one
thing I know-I am better off with scenario two than one anytime.
Before I go any further, I must put a disclaimer. Money is
not the only way/tool you can use to display love to your significant
other. Supporting them, being present
for them, taking a genuine interest in them and their passions will go a long
way in winning them over. Different people have different love languages
according to Gary Chapman author of ‘The five love languages’. Your job is to
find out what the love language of your significant other is and express it to
her like she wants it.
Having said that, it is important to understand that money
plays a significant role in the sustenance of any relationship. Love needs to
be expressed. No one is interested in secret love. If you doubt it, check John
3:16. Because God loved, He gave. Money is not just a medium of exchange, it
also doubles up as a medium of expression of love. Even those who do not
necessarily find much value in gifts will appreciate being spoilt occasionally.
My wife is like that. Such people are at risk of being neglected because they
don’t speak up often about these things. The onus is on you to be intentional
about showing love in this dimension. While money is not an end in itself, it
facilitates you to express love to the people who matter in your life.
What makes things more interesting is that true love is
expressed moment by moment not just on some special occasions. Those special
occasions like Valentines are good because they remind us of the need to
appreciate our loved ones away from our busy schedules. We must cherish and
make the most of them. In addition though, we must put ourselves in positions
where we can express love to our own randomly, without any special occasion on
the horizon. I am of the opinion that doing this takes away the pressure of
having to put up a performance every 14th of February as a show of
allegiance.
I know you have some deep love for your bae. What you need
is to have a plan in place for displaying that love as and when the need
arises.
The big question becomes. What should you do given your
current realities?
We live and operate in different realities. Here are a few
suggestions from yours truly.
Be honest about your
current reality. Be clear about where your finances are at the moment. A
lack of clarity here will lead you to make irrational decisions which you are
likely to regret later. A good assessment of your situation will determine how
much you can handle without overstretching yourself. I have a great tool you
can use to assess your current financial state of affairs in case you are not
sure what to look at. Talk to me if you are interested in making use of it. If
the numbers make good reading, spare no expense in spoiling her. She deserves
it. If the numbers don’t look good, cut your coat according to your cloth.
Manage Expectations.
When you know where you stand, it also becomes important to manage your
partner’s expectations well in advance. Have a sit down to talk about where
things stand and what is possible. It is better to state the way things are early
on than disappoint her on D-day.
Go out of your way.
For the one you love, it shouldn’t be too much for you to make a small
sacrifice here and there. While I advocate above that you do not overspend,
part of expressing love is the sacrifice you make for the one you love. Let it
be known that you are ready to inconvenience yourself a little to show love to
your beloved.
Commit to improving
your lot. There is nothing wrong with being in a tight spot financially at
the moment. A lot of things could have led you to this point. The tragedy is if
you resign to this reality and believe that you will never be and do better. 12
months is a long time if you are committed to turning things around. You can
make up your mind to be at a different spot this time next year. Look at the
present as motivation to turn things around fast.
Don’t go into debt.
Going out of your way doesn’t mean you should go into unmanageable debt just to
get things done. In these days of Fuliza, Tala, Branch and similar micro
lenders you might be easily tempted to take on unsustainable debt for 1 day of
fun. My advice… don’t.
Budget for it.
Part of being intentional in expressing love to your personal person is to
decide that from today onwards, you will have it as an item on your budget. This
puts you in a position to give her mini treats without breaking the bank and
also splashing on her during those special occasions like Valentines.
Create an income
generating asset for her. Imagine having an asset that generates income to
treat her. This could be an MMF account where you decide that the interest
generated goes towards treating her. I can almost guarantee you that you will
make more money from it than you need to treat her. This is what I call a
win-win situation. If you need help setting up an MMF or a discussion on other
available options, do not hesitate to contact me.
Remember there is life before and after Valentines. Valentines is not the end of the world. As a man. The responsibilities on your shoulders go beyond Valentines. You must think about your overall financial well being beyond the special occasions you have to contend with. The provision for your family is your responsibility. Their education is dependent on you. After you are done taking care of them, you are also expected to take care of yourself in your old age. How do you ensure that you remain focused and maintain your frame as all these things unfold? At Optimize Institute we help you get a firm grip on your finances through our training, coaching and consulting programs.
Do not sweat out the details all by yourself when help is available for you. Let us know if you need a hand navigating the web of the Financial intricacies we occasionally find ourselves in. It is possible to come out stronger and better when we hold hands and push in the same direction. You can reach out on +254725832477 or asenasam@gmail.com to initiate a conversation.
I pray that wherever you find yourself this Valentines you will enjoy the moment as you make the most of it. Happy Valentines.
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